One Girl, Two Cups

So I bought this adorably cheap shirt from Forever 21, and it’s becoming my Marge Simpson shirt.

Everyone has that “Marge Simpson” outfit - you remember, the episode when she joins the country club and buys that pink Chanel suit. She can’t afford another one so she just keep re-wearing it and altering it, until the other ladies catch on. My BFF and I call our standby, never fail, favorite clothes our “Marge” clothes.

ANYWAY. Back to the shirt - it fits fine, and is adorable, but there is a gap in the bust bewteen the buttons, and I cannot be bothered with it. So let’s fix it.

I can sew, but what good will that do when I have to take the thing off at the end of the day. I’m not an advocate of fabric tape…usually, but in this case, it does the trick.

A few weeks ago I signed up for (and later canceled) the biggest scam of my life, Birchbox. Yes, 10 dollars for a bunch of samples you can get for free. I’d heard good things, but unfortunately, it was a waste of money. “Dramatic eyeliner” that was worthless. A sample one-time use bronzer (hello, I am see through, PASS). A “could have gotten this for free just by walking through Macy’s” sample of Juicy’s latest perfume (yes, I liked it, but should I have paid for it? no.) And then these fabric strips. OH WAIT, I’m forgetting the *free* download from a band I have never heard of. WOW. THANKS A LOT. I want my money back!

Getting back to the fabric strips. I found a use for them with this shirt - and luckily, hadn’t thrown them out. They did the trick. Worth ten bucks? MEEEHHH. I only had to use one, and it lasted the entire day, but then again, so does duct tape. Here are some stupid photos of me putting it into action. Thanks to Scott for taking pictures (he’s the bomb <3)

                        EXTREME CLOSEUP. WOOAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Mission accomplished. WAHOO!!!

I’ve been slowly overhauling my wardrobe, and found this cute blue blouse in some rinky dink shop on South St. They didn’t have it in a medium or large (probably because it fell off the back of a truck or was stolen) so I decided to break a rule, and buy it in a small.

Said rule? Don’t keep clothes that no longer fit you, and don’t buy clothes that don’t fit properly at the time of purchase.

I’m guilty of breaking this rule a lot. Not to say that I hang onto my “skinny” clothes because I’ve generally stayed the around the same weight - in fact, I still have a pair of Levi’s from high school that fit! But, I do tend to be a wishful buyer. Countless times I’ve said “Oooh, this will fit me by summertime, I know it!” LIES. ALL LIES.

Now, the shirt was an impulse buy while I was coming back from a run. I saw it in the window, I tried it on with my compression sports bra on, and I wasn’t thinking properly. I was being overly hopeful. I wasn’t expecting to magically wake up and have smaller boobs, but I figured I could pull it off with the right bra. It wasn’t that tight after all, right? Wrong.

This thing was tight. Super tight. Like, ‘I dropped an earring and couldn’t pick it up without getting low’ tight. And no minimizer bra could do the trick. What was I thinking? I added a necklace to distract. I figured, screw it, I’ll manage, it’s just a cute color. And then I caught a side view glimpse and found that my chest looked uncommonly flat. Squished flat. Presenting more of a pancake look rather than the usual melon appearance. And then, I was sad. Upon further inspection, I saw that the perfume I had sprayed had caused little dots of discolor to appear on this 100% polyester blouse. This thing had too many strikes against it, so it had to be retired.

Sorry, nice cheap ghetto top - you lived a short, terrible life. And there my story ends. Shirts that don’t fit right because of my chest, you win again!